Its a matter of Choice

I came across today’s daily prompt on The Daily Post:

Daily Prompt: Captive’s Choice
by michelle w. on January 19, 2014

You’ve been kidnapped and given a choice: would you rather be stranded on an island, dropped into an unknown forest, or locked in a strange building?

Photographers, artists, poets: show us CHOICE.

Decided to respond to this prompt as it sparked some thoughts in me. Stranded on an island, dropped into an unknown forest, or locked up in a strange room.. honestly, I don’t know! None sound good to me, because in the first place being kidnapped wouldn’t be something I look forward to nor is it something we could choose. But if I could anything at all in this situation, I would choose to be the kidnapper instead.

And this happens to all of us everyday. Everyday, we are met with thousands of choices to make. From deciding whether to press the snooze button when the alarm clock rings first thing in the morning, to choice of beverage for breakfast, clothes to wear… choices choices choices.. However, how many of us actually pause enough to think about what could our choices made there and then actually lead to? I pressed the snooze button, and end up waking up 15 mins later than late. Missed the bus, and so decided to hail a cab. Accident happened on the road and the expressway was severely jammed. I end up being late for work and late for a client’s meeting. Lost the deal and there goes my promotion target. I lost my fighting spirit, not forgetting I haven’t had my morning coffee, made bad choices for lunch and had food junkier than junk, resulting in a bad indigestion and… One choice which no one can say for sure if it was a good choice or bad (sometimes snooze is absolutely necessary, I agree!) could lead to something entirely unexpected.

So is our choice of words, choice of lunch partners, working partners, life parters. Choice of who to date and where to go for dates.. They say you only know when you try, so just go for it. I followed this wise saying, and got married to a man whom over a period of 10 years made me feel he is someone whom I have known to be most dependable (versus my ex-es), most promising, and someone whom I can be sure will never let me down. I thought I made my choice very carefully, and it was an informed choice, but still it turned out to be a disaster. I have opted out of the marriage and going through divorce at the moment because he has chosen to cheat on me barely 1 year into our marriage, chose to show the other woman more respect over me,

more tender loving care over me, chose to tell her white lies about how nice her blue nail polish was when my strawberry-milk-pink ones were reportedly too loud and gaudy. He chose not to admit his mistake and claim he still loves me the most and if he were to choose all over again, he will still marry me and not anyone else. This other woman doesn’t come close. What he doesn’t know or refuse to know, is that when he made that choice to give her priority booking for Christmas Eve dinner, he has already made his choice clear, and made it long time ago.

Am I really upset over this whole thing? I could be if I choose to, and it is a choice I can make. Now that I think about it again, being stranded on an island, dropped into an unknown forest or locked in a strange building, I might just choose the forest, because at least I can choose to run and believe I can eventually be free.

I still agree with the statement “you don’t try, you don’t know”, and am an advocate of exploring and trying out new things despite possible failures, but my message to everyone would be to follow your heart more often than your mind. There are too many things in this world that just isn’t built for logic. Trust your instincts, and listen to what your heart says especially when your mind reports back a 100% pass on quality check 😉

Anything you chase in life runs away

Lately, a very persistent guy has been attempting to ask me out on a second date….not that it is not good that he is persistent….but being too persistent can become a major turn off…maybe it was my fault to start with..maybe during our first date, I sent him too many wrong signals, leading him to think that I was very keen to have a relationship of any form with him other than acquaintances…but even then…if there are any men reading this…please tell me..how hard would you try to get a woman to go on a second date with you before you eventually give up?

For the past 1 month, I have been telling him that I was busy with work and other commitments( I wasn’t lying) and still that does not deter him from trying to ask me out. I would have thought that was a clear enough sign that I wasn’t that into him after all. Secondly..each time he asks me how I’m doing, my reply would always be a 1/2 word answer….one thing for sure…if a woman is interested in you…..she will talk/text/type more than 2 words to you…..in fact they will keep talking to you! So sure sign which tells you she may not be that keen after all…is when she does not bother to reply you or gives u very straightforward answers…This brings me back to our favourite book “Why men love bitches”. In it, attraction principle no 1 says, “Anything you chase in life runs away.” The harder you try to grab it, the more you will lose it… apparently this fellow does not seem to get the point!

I don’t know about you.. but I am running away from this one for sure! Maybe he should pick up a copy of this book and start reading too…if a woman doesn’t like you…don’t keep trying so hard…in fact if you do not try so hard…I might reserve some liking towards you because as of now I have none…I trust my bitch instincts and have decided to steer clear of you for good! 😛

Pre CNY rambling

After Christmas comes the most dreaded time of the year..(in my dictionary at least)..chinese new year..the most overrated festival that only kids would enjoy. The only pleasures I derive from this are that I get to sleep most of the times cos most shops aren’t open and access to pineapple tarts :p. But before that we get subjected to incessant nagging from the parents and then even more kind words from our relatives(and then you thank god u only see them once in a purple moon)

The awkward moment when your relative decides to hand you an angbao…then repeats the same sentence as per previous years..”i hope next year I don’t have to give you angbao…” Then in the toilet, you secretly peep into the packet and spot a pathetic $4 inside. Not as if they give you $400 every year….the more direct ones would ask why I would not get a partner…husband bleh bleh..was I too choosy?now that I’m being left on the shelf, I should lower my expectations….etc etc etc

Many times I wanted to tell them..I do have partners!it’s just that I think you would prefer me not to bring them home or show them to you…and what is wrong with being single anyway? And I always reply my inquisitive relatives with the idiot proof answer…”it’s the men who’S choosing me..not I choose them leh…” Most of them will just laugh it off at my reply(incidentally I use the same reply every year and they still laugh) Ah well.. with just about 2 weeks left to the festival.. I better start brainstorming for more creative replies to avoid the topic.

I have no idea when I started developing such a jaded view of marriage..in my opinion, it is simply nothing more than a legal piece of document binding 2 people for a lifetime. When I was 16/17, like any other naive teenager, I harbored visions of getting married before I hit 25 years..then have like 3 kids or so when I hit 30s..then in a blink of an eye it seems…I turned 23…no impending signs of marriage still..uh no…I turned 24…along came a guy who seemed perfect(in most ways). He had a career, loved me to bits…was ready to settle down, so much hope..so many promises..we would probably have gotten married had he not decided to just disappear. DIsappear out of the blue…. Disappear for good…disappear from my life….the one man who gave me so much hope and promises, the one man who I was so close to marrying and it is exactly because of this that he could singlehandedly bring my world crushing down. How is it possible that someone who claims he loves you so much bear to give you so much hurt and pain?

It’s amazing that he would keep mentioning marriage to a woman whom in the end,couldn’t bid a proper goodbye to. Then I slowly began to realize what sent my world crushing down was not the fact that he wasn’t ready to marry me. It was the realization that “he does not love me anymore” or “I lost his love for me somehow”…that realization was heart wrenching.. Consider this: if we were married and I were to discover that “he does not love me anymore”… I think my heart would break into even more pieces than it did previously…so then 24 years old passed me by….25 years old…and now into my 30s…I had long stopped thinking of when marriage will come..I literally stopped wishing for it.. Because I didn’t need a marriage to stay in love with a person…because I think falling out of love with someone you are not married to makes things less complicated..

Heard the song “breakeven” by The Script”? “He’s moved on while I’m still grieving…when a heart breaks,it don’t break even”
How true indeed.. But I take heart that even if my heart breaks more….when it heals….it will prove to be even tougher and stronger than before..whoever said men is the stronger sex?:p

And to all other singles trying to survive CNY, I so feel u…. You are not alone 🙂

You Should Fall In Love with Someone Who Doesn’t Love You – Article Sharing

URL: http://thoughtcatalog.com/wes-janisen/2013/08/you-should-fall-for-someone-who-doesnt-love-you/

This is one of the more mind-intriguing and thoughtful piece I’ve read recently, and it really tells a lot. It may seem too controversial but if you have been in love with someone who doesn’t love you and grew from it, you’ll relate very well to this article.

It really is different – to be with someone who loves you more than you do, vs someone who you love more than he loves you. Women, being having the higher tendency to give and give and give, indeed may need to go through the experience of pain and hurt, and getting over the pain and hurt in order to grow. Importantly, you will love yourself more each time you pick yourself up when you fall.

If there is someone in your life right now that you are so in love with, but you dare not take the step forward because you are afraid he doesn’t love you, go on, do it. At least it satisfies the “what if” which will linger in your mind if you don’t, and even the worst case scenario of you being dejected and hurt in the process will bring you a very valuable lesson 🙂

 

Welcome!

A very warm welcome to everyone visiting our blog, and we hope you find our ramblings interesting and it would be wonderful if they struck a chord with you and mean something. This whole blog came about randomly as two of us started lamenting about their foolish adventures (or misadventures) in the stupid game called love, and while chit-chatting they recalled a book they have both read some time ago – Sherry Argov‘s “Why Men Love Bitches”.

It’s funny though, that when we first read this book, we treated it as a leisure read, tried a suggestion or two, and probably either forgot all about it or successfully pushed a trick or two into our subconscious and have been practicing.. then as we look back at our experiences (more misadventures than right ones), we realise how true the theories were as presented in the book.

Whatever it is, we’ve all had our fair share of scars in the game, and we needed an outlet to air our views about life and what it’s made up of. We’re determined not to turn this blog into a graveyard of plain bitchy talks, but then again, who knows what a woman (women in this case) might just end up doing, so let’s just let things fllloooowwwww….

We know, because we are women too. And we so deserve to just chill and rule the world!